“Can we fix this?”

It’s a question I hear a lot in therapy. Simple. Direct. And completely understandable. When something feels wrong, uncomfortable, or overwhelming, of course we want it sorted. Fixed. Done.

But here’s the problem – I think the idea of “fixing” ourselves can actually get in the way of real change.

There are plenty of things in life that can be fixed. A dishwasher that’s been playing up for a year. A car that won’t start on a cold morning. A cracked phone screen. These are problems with clear solutions. Identify the fault, repair it, move on.

People aren’t like that.

We’re far more complex. We’re shaped by our experiences, our relationships, our past, and we’re constantly evolving. Even when something goes wrong physically – like a broken arm – we don’t usually talk about “fixing” it. We talk about healing.

And I think that difference matters.

When we tell ourselves we need to be “fixed,” it often brings pressure. Expectations. An unspoken deadline that says we should be better by now. When that doesn’t happen, and it often doesn’t, it can lead to guilt, frustration, even shame. It feeds into that sense of “what’s wrong with me?” or “why can’t I sort this out?”

If it were a simple fix, chances are it would have been done already.

So instead of asking, “How do I fix this?” it can be more helpful to ask, “What does this actually mean for me?”

In therapy, part of the work is slowing things down and breaking problems into smaller, more manageable pieces. Not everything needs solving all at once. Together, we look at what’s really going on beneath the surface – what you’re feeling, what you’ve been carrying, and what might need attention.

That process isn’t always easy. In fact, at times it can feel harder before it feels better. Things that have been avoided or pushed down can come into focus. But that’s often where real change begins.

It takes time. And that’s okay.

With greater understanding and self-awareness, things start to shift. You begin to respond differently, think differently, and feel differently. Not because you’ve “fixed” yourself – but because you’ve given yourself the space to heal, adapt, and grow.

Maybe the goal isn’t to fix what’s broken.

Maybe it’s to understand it, work with it, and move forward in a way that feels more manageable and more you.

Healing is possible. But it rarely comes from forcing a fix – it comes from allowing something deeper to take place.